Written Exclusively for It's Over Easy by Melissa Bonnet, Founder of The Divorce Planner, Divorce Planning for Women
In case you are wondering, here are the top 10 best things about being divorced:
10. Vacuum/Clean When You Want
You don’t have to be on top of every little thing. It’s your space, vacuum when you want. You can let the dishes soak in the sink or leave them in the dishwasher until you want to put them away. You now have time to juggle everything else in your life and give yourself some time and the attention you deserve.
9. Chick Flicks Galore!
Watch that sappy Rom-Com. Watch EVERY Rom-Com. Have them on repeat if you want. No more Terminator, Rambo or every other war or sci-fi movie unless YOU want to watch them. You don’t have to deal with the commentary of how dumb your movie choices are. Get the popcorn and tissues and settle in for the feel-good ride you have been craving.
8. You Have The Bathroom To Yourself
The bathroom is yours and yours alone. No more scheduling shower time or accommodating someone else. It is now your glam space. Hair dryer out, make up and moisturizers on the counter. Load it up with scented candles and diffusers. It’s now your personal spa. Change the towels, change the artwork on the wall. Create the space just for you.
7. No Hiding Shopping Bags In The Car
There’s no one there to ask you if you really needed those shoes. And yes, you did. You also needed the 25th pair of jeans because they look amazing on you. And then you had to build the outfit around those jeans because you know that when you wear this outfit you will look and feel good. When you find the perfect pair of jeans, you get them. Maybe you get 3 pairs of them. It’s your call now.
6. Friends Over Whenever You Want
We all need more girl time. Period.
5. You Don’t Have To Share
Okay so maybe this isn’t a big deal for some of you, but I found out it was for me. I don’t really know why, and I don’t really care. I got the ice cream for me. Not to share. Sorry, not sorry.
4. Bravo TV All Day, Every Day
I want to live the lives of these women. Yes, I want to jet off to Miami for the weekend. Or Aspen. Or get driven everywhere. I realize this is not my life, but I can fantasize about it if I want to. And I can take a break from my own life and tune into other people’s lives and enjoy their drama, because guess what? I do not enjoy drama in my own life. I have had enough of that thank you.
3. You Don’t Have To Ask For Permission Or Forgiveness.
You can do what you want when you want and not have to say you're sorry. No sorry for being late. No sorry for spending too much money. No asking if someone minds if you go to the movies or out with friends. Whatever it might be, there are is no more "sorry" in your world for enjoying what little free time you might have.
2. Breakfast For Dinner (a/k/a/ "B4D")
Scrambled eggs for dinner. One pan. One plate. One fork. Done. Preferably eaten in front of the TV. Watching Bravo.
Drumroll please…the number one best thing about being Divorced?
1. You Have The Bed To Yourself.
You have all the pillows, covers and can sleep diagonally or in the middle of the bed every single night. With the TV on. Or reading a juicy book into the wee hours. I now fall asleep every night with either Sex in The City re-runs or something on Bravo, of course. I feel like I am at a slumber party and nod off to the sound of ladies chatting. It has become one of my favorite past times.
A friend of mine says she misses crawling into bed with her ex at night. Really? You miss sleeping with a hot, sweaty, hairy beast every night? Um. Okay. Sure, whatever you say.
Me, not so much. And I get to fall asleep without someone snoring next to me. My ex-husband snored so badly that I often thought about smothering him in the middle of the night with a pillow. I was sleep deprived. Not sorry.
I am not making light of divorce. Divorce is brutal. Probably one of the most painful things I have experienced in my life. However, I can tell you, the pain doesn’t last.
Especially if you don’t want it to last. Letting go of the pain allows you to move on quicker and start embracing your new life.
Life after divorce is not all that bad. Do I miss having a companion, yes. But I don’t miss all the annoyances of living with someone. The bathroom is mine. All mine. Just the way I like it with everything I need strewn about.
Truthfully, I grew tired of all the feels and sad talk about divorce, deciding to focus on the good parts. Like finding me again. I missed me. I missed the me who always had a ton of friends, both male and female.
The me who laughed a lot. The me who was fun to be around. The me who smiled a lot. The me who could walk into a room full of strangers and leave having made at least one new friend. The me who was at ease. And the me who was happy, and is again now.
I don’t miss the me who was stressed out. I don’t miss the me who was so unhappy I could barely smile or laugh. Or the me who had to turn down promotions because I had to consider someone else.
I was so reigned in that I couldn’t do me most of the time. There was always someone else to consider. And yes, it was imbalanced.
The me I like is back. I laugh a lot. I have new friends. I have launched my own business and I am rebuilding my life the way I want it to be.
I’m happier than I have been in a long time. The best things have happened to me after my divorce. New opportunities that would not have happened in my marriage.
Plain and simple, I was with the wrong person. He brought me down. That’s why we are no longer married.
No matter if it's an online divorce, or one where you hired lawyers to fight for you in court, I know it takes time to get beyond it. I also know I wasted too much time focusing on the loss and wish I had bounced back faster.
I also know that it was up to me. I chose to sit in it for as long as I did. Too long. Yes, we all have different time frames of recovery but sitting in it for as long as I did wasn’t helping me.
Whether you and your spouse had an amicable, uncontested divorce, or one that was contentious, regardless of the circumstances around ending the marriage, you have been given a gift.
I know it does not feel like it at first and it can be scary as hell but trust me when I say it, it is a gift. The gift of getting you back. Getting your happiness back on your terms. You can now rebuild your life the way you want it to be.
To your standards. Centered around your happiness. And that is not being selfish. It’s taking care of you so that when you do meet a new person or are presented with a new opportunity, you will be the best version of yourself. You will be ready.
I am ready for what the future holds and I am investing in me. Invest in yourself so that you can live your best life.
Happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy every single day.
About the Author
After 25 years of coaching sales professionals in Corporate America for some of Americas most recognized brands, I now coach women through the twists and turns of divorce and life circumstance changes by minimizing stress and anxiety. Preparedness is key to moving through change gracefully.
I’m Melissa, Chief Coach and Founder of The Divorce Planner. I offer confidential Divorce Coaching for Women at all stages of divorce. From the initial decisions to finalizing and moving forward into your new life. And I am here to tell you, it will be okay. You will be okay.
The Divorce Planner, Divorce Coaching for Women.
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