Written Exclusively for It's Over Easy by Healthy Living Blogger Jennifer Landis
Stepping back into the dating scene after years of marriage can be incredibly daunting. You may even wonder if you'll ever find another mate. These emotions and thoughts are both common and valid. However, even the most anxious single can begin connecting with others again. Once you're ready, these 8 tips should help quell your anxiety and make the process a little easier.
1. Make New Friends
Regardless of how long you were married, odds are you and your ex shared the same circle of friends. Subsequently, some of these relationships probably won't last, especially if your friends chose to take your ex's side in the divorce. Therefore, it's best to branch out and find some new friends. You can do this by attending group events, joining a club or simply exploring your interests. Doing so will naturally open the door to new relationships, romantic or otherwise.
2. Talk to Someone
While you're making new friends, it may be difficult to speak up about your recent divorce. After all, it is a very personal and emotional subject and you likely won't feel comfortable opening up about it with people you just met. However, it's still important to talk through your feelings, so find someone with whom you can speak openly. You might even seek out a therapist who can help you find a holistic treatment for your anxieties.
3. Wait Until the Divorce is Final
Beginning a new relationship while you're in the middle of ending one is a recipe for disaster, at least in most cases. Trying to balance both situations at once can result in extra anxiety and emotional overload as you try to process all these different feelings. Plus, keeping a new partner up to date with the divorce proceedings on top of everything else will only add to your stress. Instead, wait until you finalize the divorce before dating.
4. Have Some Fun
Putting extra pressure on yourself to find a serious partner after divorce will also stress you out unnecessarily. Instead of trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right, simply get out there and have some fun. Date around and keep things casual if you want. There's no reason to become monogamous or exclusive with someone right off the bat. Besides, meeting new people will help ease the transition into the dating world and prepare you for a more serious relationship in the future.
5. Know Your Priorities
At the same time, it's important to know what you're looking for in a partner. This is especially important as you work your way into exploring more serious relationships. What are your dealbreakers? What exactly do you want from a mate? Answering these questions will help you avoid wasting your time on people who won't be a good match long-term. Plus, once you know the areas in which you're unwilling to compromise, you can be more open and direct on dates.
6. Be Open About Your Past
Honesty is the best policy, especially in your dating relationships. Share about your kids on your dating profile, tell your date you've had a divorce and share your values and interests. Keeping these things a secret will only pile on extra stress and anxiety, especially when you finally decide to share these parts of your life. Besides, the right person will love you for all that you are, including your past, so be open about it.
7. Go Slow
As you begin to delve deeper and get to know your date, you may have the urge to speed up the process, especially if things are going well. However, introducing your new boyfriend or girlfriend to your family or kids too soon could also bring more stress and anxiety in your life. Therefore, it's best to wait a few months or until you're practically certain this person will be long-term mate. Then, feel free to slowly introduce them to your family.
8. Date Yourself, First
In the weeks and months following your divorce, you may have an identity crisis. Who are you without your ex? What are your hobbies and interests? When did you stop caring for yourself and your soul? Rediscovering yourself may take some time, especially if you consistently put your needs last in your previous marriage. However, doing so is a huge part of healing and preparing to reenter the world of dating.
Before setting up a dating profile or going on your first coffee date, go on a few dates with yourself. Discover your passions, interests and values and fall in love with yourself again. On your journey inward, you may even find a few areas in which you'd like to improve or grow. Create goals to foster this growth and get to working on yourself.
The more you invest in a happier, healthier you, the more easily you'll be able to find a mate with whom you can share your journey. Besides, the only person who can bring you true contentment is yourself.
Jennifer Landis is a mom, writer, and healthy living blogger. She enjoys yoga, red wine, and drinking all the tea she can find. Follow her on Twitter @JenniferELandis or check out her blog, Mindfulness Mama, to get in touch!
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